Mary Huerter & Kate Neuhaus
Omigosh! Kate! KATE! WAIT UP.
Whoa, mar, chill out.
What’s going on with you?
I lost 100 lbs. Last week.
Yea, what’s going on? You’ve been looking pretty wafish the
last couple of days.
Yea I know,
isn’t it awesome? I’ve got this awesome
new deal going. I get up at 3:15 every
morning and run to my four o’clock spinning class. After that I cool off with some yoga and then a thirteen-mile jog
to school. Then, during the day, I get
all the carrot juice and lettuce I can handle – which is a lot.
That sounds intense mar… why do you do it to yourself? What prompted this new regiment?
Well, you
know… it’s just what you’re supposed to do, isn’t it? I mean, yea, it’s intense, but I think it’s worth it. Have you seen my bod lately?
Eh… it’s nice I guess… but look at my bod. You don’t get these thighs through normal
means of exercise, I’ll tell you that right now.
Well… I mean… well… they look nice on you I guess,
b-but they’re a bit… bulbous… to look good on my body. Do you work out?
Funny you should ask… no.
Umm…. Kate … what’s funny about that?
What’s funny, Mar, is that I get up at 7:30 every morning –
already wearing my uniform, of course, so as to save the oh-so-valuable
early-morning energy -- take the forty-three steps from bed to bathroom to car,
and stuff myself with Twinkies and Oreos.
For lunch, I usually slam down a fried meat and mayonnaise sandwich or
two, not to mention open campus weeks when three cheese runzas is well worth
the twelve dollars a day. In the
afternoon I switch to snowballs… I’ve found that creamy filling doesn’t agree
with me after lunch.
Whoa. That’s awesome. I haven’t had cream filling in years. So… you do that every day?
Ah, you know me, dog-dog.
I value consistency over lean well-formed calves.
So, you’re telling me that you sleep until
sunrise, drive to school, and consume 2,000 calories before homeroom?
That’s what I’m telling you.
Do you ever feel lazy or disgusting or fat or like
your future is apt to involve moo-moos, broken couches, Maury Povich, and a
some sort of crane?
Nope. Mostly just happy. Really really happy. All the time. And I’m never sweaty.
Ever.
Wow. Are
you the only one, or are there a whole, obnoxiously energized group of you like
there are of us dieting exercisers?
Well… not energized, per say, slothful is probably more
accurate. Slothful, but happy.
Wow. Can I
be your friend?
Yea, come on girly fly, I’ll show you how we hang.